charlieDEAN’S Blog

One of the things I love about Brandon, is his confidence in proclaiming his weakness.  His post Internal Personality Conflict Syndrome is a great example of how he points at his own weakness in a way that lets others say “me too” — and then, having named our weakness, allows us to begin journeying together towards a better way.

But Brandon, I’m going to push you a little farther down the road of your syndrome, to what is perhaps the psychosis form.  I’ll call this condition Internalized Conflicted Psychosis.  In this state, the conflict moves from issues like indecisiveness about what to buy, to a general feeling of conflict that pervades every area of my life.  Here are some of the conflicts I feel:

• I love community, I want to be known.  I want to hide and pout and avoid the people that most give me hope.
• I am emergent, fresh, wrestling with my faith in new ways.  I am tied to my past and often choose to adopt what is safe over what ignites my heart.
• I am a great dad, no one could love their kids more than I.  I love myself and always seem to find new levels of selfishness.
• I believe that churches should be missional — in the world, making a difference.  I believe churches should be attractional, creating a safe harbor for spiritual seekers.
• I believe that God is good, and that he knows my name.  I’m pretty sure God has no clue who I am, and wants to wreck my life (someone told me that I’m a tortured person…which is totally true)

I could go on and on, but Brennen Manning describes me perfectly (by the way, this may be my favorite book quotation of all time):

“When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.” (from The Ragamuffin Gospel) 

Yes, I’m a lifelong CUBS fan, but I love baseball and so I jump at any opportunity to go to a MLB game.  So anyway, a guy at church scored me some tickets to the White Sox - Red Sox game today…so we went.  Some thoughts about U.S. Cellular Field and the White Sox:

• Beautiful field…cool architecture…I love all the exposed steel…very cool.
• For a new stadium, very small seats…although they were good seats.
• Even better, we had passes to the Stadium Club, which is basically a restaurant/bar in the right field corner.  There are huge windows overlooking the field, so the second half of the game we sat overlooking the field from high up in the stadium club…very cool.
• The Red Sox POUNDED the White Sox 10-1.   While it wasn’t a record, we did see a historic feat as the Red Sox are only the 4th team since 1900 to score 10 runs or more in four consecutive games against the same team.
• I feel bad for White Sox fans…as much as they try to believe that they are “Chicago baseball,” it’s just not so.

This is making big news right now.  On one hand I understand, but on the other, I don’t at all.  So Mother Theresa had doubts about her faith — faith is not the absence of doubt.  And anyway, I wonder…maybe it was her doubt that drove her mission to the poor?

Does this unnerve you, or make you feel better…for me it’s the latter.

DISH is giving us Starz! free for a couple of days.  So last  night I started watched Click again…the one where Adam Sandler has the remote where he can fast forward through his life and predictably ends up fast forwarding his whole life.

I’ve gotta say, that movie makes me so sad.  Sad for the seasons of my life where I’m a work-obsessed dad.  Sad for people I know, who seem to live life like Sandler…on autopilot, not really “sucking the marrow out of life.”

After it was over I had to go watch my kids sleep a little and kiss on them.

some of these are in my Google Reader shared items, but I thought they were important enough to highlight here:

•  Dan quotes from the book that partly caused me to the the loneliness post.  It a very stimulating book
• The Leadership Journal blog Out of Ur, had a great post called Thus Saith the Radio about “radio orthodoxy” that ended with a stellar quote from Brian McLaren.
• These two guys are two of the pastors at Granger Community Church…hilarious.
• Tony Morgan has some great thoughts about vision for you leader-types.

I like history, so I thought I’d give Bobby a shot.  It was written by Emilio Estevez…starred nearly everyone, was nominated for a Golden Globe…which I assumed was just because it starred so many big name actors & actresses.

So, it started slow for me…I honestly had forgot the blurb I read on Blockbuster before I put it in my que, so I really had no idea what it was about, except it was about RFK.  But scene by scene, this movie sucked me in and even though I had no idea where it was going, I began to care about the characters.  And the historical footage spliced in really added a lot…and in the end I felt it.  I felt just a taste of the sadness and despair that so many Americans felt when they heard that another hero had been assassinated.

And that’s what good film-making does…it draws you in and makes you feel something. 

So, I give it two thumbs up.

I’ve read in several books about pastoral leadership that leadership is often a lonely venture.  I want to rebel against that statement and inist that it doesn’t have to be.  But the truth is, that there are many times where I feel alone…

So, for you pastors out there…no sermons please…I believe deeply in community and small groups and all that…but do you believe that ministry is lonely?

(self disclosure…I’m writing this as I’m getting ready to leave my office at 10pm, after a long, emotional day…so that skews my own answer to this question.)

I’m not an American Idol fan, but for the last two summers Jennifer and I have gotten sucked into America’s Got Talent.  Anyway, from the first time I heard him, I was rooting for Cas Haley (here’s the video…check out Hasselhoff’s complete lack of rythm!)But Terry Fator won me over (video)…I can honestly say that as we watched the finale last night, I would have been happy for either man to win!

Okay, so I talked about this a month ago or so, and I haven’t said anything since…it’s cuz I’ve been thinking & processing…so here’s an update.

Remember, that Buckingham’s central point, is that we will become more successful by concentrating on strengthening our strengths than we will working on our weaknesses.  So, I’ve been in a process of asking myself…”what are my strengths?”

Buckingham suggests that you state these strengths in terms of “I feel strong when…”  This is a critical point…I may be good at something that totally drains me…which means that it’s not a strength…

So I’ve been sifting…not asking myself what I’m good at, but what makes me feel strong.  So here are three “strength statements” that I’ve arrived at:

I feel strong when I communicate Biblical content to groups of people where I get to do a fair amount of study and where there’s a forum for dialogue.

I feel strong when I get to lead meetings that are strategic in nature, where there are clear problems/issues to be solved and where the meeting leads toward action.

I feel strong when I have the opportunity to bring life experiences & things I’m learning to other people who are in crisis or at a crossroads of faith.

If you want to do this excercise, Buckingham says that one of the keys is to make the statements specific enough that you really understand the strength (”I like sales” doesn’t really get at what makes you feel strong about selling stuff), but generic enough that it can apply to various circumstances.

This has nothing to do with church, just a conversation that I was having with someone the other day, and I’m curious…

What is the “ideal size” church?  Why?

   Okay, before someone calls me out…I know it’s not just about the number…but there is definitely a different feel between a church of 500 and a church of 5000.